I have been listening to several podcast from Brene Brown while out walking. We are all at a point of collective exhaustion due to the anxiety we are feeling because of the pandemic. She gives a lot of good advice and perspective on how to deal with the anxiety and stress that we are feeling. Based on programmed conditioning throughout our lives, we respond to these situations either by OVERFUNCTIONING or UNDERFUNCTIONING.
OVERFUCTIONING IS PERCEIVED as bossy, micromanaging, giving advice, always in motion, taking charge.
UNDERFUNCTIONING IS PERCEIVED as less competent, fragile, needy, unreliable, flakey.
It is not who we are. Neither response is right, wrong, good or bad. It is important that we see where we are on the spectrum and know that we can manage this response. Both are forms of armor to get out from under fear and uncertainty.
Anxiety is more contagious than this virus. You can infect others or be the cure
When we are under stress we produce adrenaline which is appropriate in the short term 
but can be harmful to us and those around us in the long term. We need to get past stress and practice calm. Brene uses the analogy of young children playing soccer. When a ball is kicked to them, whether on the ground or above their shoulders, there response is to immediately kick it forward without looking to see where it is going. They run up and down the field pretty much as a herd without direction. By SETTLING THE BALL the experienced player, stops the inertia to give time to read the field, position the ball and then be strategic as to where they want the ball to go. It is more effective and less exhausting. That is what we need to do. We need to go from stress and anxiety to the practice of calm. We all need to settle the ball.
Calm is defined as having the perspective, the ability, to manage emotional reactivity. Your superpower must be to practice calm.
Practicing CALM is about perspective. These are not normal times but when we practice calm we gain perspective and bring things back to center.
1) Name what you are feeling and how you are responding. Give yourself grace. There should be no blame. Reflection is inward thinking. Allow yourself to feel.
2) Create the new normal while allowing yourself to grieve the loss of the old normal at the same time. Just because someone is not sick, lost a loved one, lost income or a job does not mean that they are not in grief. Grief is the loss of anything important. That could mean not playing in a sports championship, missing prom or graduation, cancelling a wedding celebration, not seeing a brand new grandchild, celebrating a 6th birthday without friends. One loss is not more important or significant then another. It is the perspective of the one grieving.
3) Focus, breathe and move from fear and anxiety to proactively developing a strategy based on solid information. Limit screen time. Stop placing blame and looking in the rear-view mirror. Ratchet down the tome, cadence and volume of the conversation.
4) This is a marathon not a sprint. Practice extreme self-care. Sleep a minimum of 8 hours. You may find you need more and that is OK. Stress causes exhaustion. Move more. Stress is stored in your body and by moving it releases stress. Eat well and limit addictive substances such as sugar and alcohol.
5) Practice empathy. Reach out to others and check in without judgement. Empathy is outward thinking.
6) Establish a family GAP PLAN- No relationship is 50-50. You need to be able to communicated that you are at 20% so your partner can bolster the other 80%. As part of this communication is key. No harsh words. No kind language with harsh faces. Say you are sorry. When you are given apology the response should be, “thank you, I accept your apology.”
7) Heal with humor. It is time to watch reruns of The Office of tell knock knock jokes.
We will not necessarily see the message or the lesson while we are in anxiety or grief. This will end. Some say things will get back to normal. I believe that they will but it will be a new normal. How are we showing up for ourselves and for others in the meantime is the question and what is really important. Don’t miss this opportunity.